Did I mention that mum left me an amazing gift, and one I haven’t had the strength to unwrap yet?  My older sister found it in one of mum’s drawers.  Some time ago – well, a couple years ago, my son suggested that we buy mum a small digital recorder for her to speak into and tell stories, or whatever she wanted to tell us about her life/memories of her parents, or indeed anything, when she had moments alone and felt like chatting.  She kept telling me she couldn’t get the hang of it, although I never quite believed someone as savvy as my mother would find this machine too much of a challenge.  After all, we’re talking here about a 92-year old who did online banking, shopping, emails, web searches and Skype video calls.   I’ve also discovered that she did double-entry bookkeeping for all her accounts.

I digress, as usual.  What my sister found was an exercise book in which mum had written – I know not what – but they are messages and stories for me.  There is also some recording on the little digi gadget she ‘couldn’t get the hang of’.  I’m saving these for when I feel strong.  I think the day is coming shortly.  Actually, it is mum’s birthday on April 25.  She would have been 93, and we were planning a little reunion of all my sisters (3) coming to London to be with her.  You see, I’m the only one of the four of us living in the UK.  So, maybe that will be the day to open mum’s present to me.  Coincidentally, it is also the publication date of my winning short story.  I entered it shortly before mum died.  I’m so pleased she knew I’d won, but sad she won’t see it published.  So, that settles that issue.  April 25 is D Day.  Mum day.

Some may find this all a bit morbid, but actually, it makes me feel closer to my mum.  She didn’t mean to go.  Indeed she bloody left without permission.  Just flipping Went!  But I forgive her, even though I can’t, never ever, forget.  I have to say, as her Executor, she did a brilliant job at tidying everything for me.  Leaving all her papers neatly filed.  Once everything is sorted, I’ll be reluctant to throw all her papers away.  I’ve decided to create a memory box, in which I’ll put some treasured documents, cards and other memorabilia – as I find and decide.    I heard a young boy, Harry, on the radio the other day, talking about keeping a memory box for his grandparents, who’d upped and moved abroad.  He has a Blog on WordPress. Well in a way, mum has moved.  Only thing is her ‘abroad’ is pretty final.  But I want generations to come to know who she was.

Apart from my notebook that I haven’t yet read, she also left pages of interview notes about her early childhood and memories of her parents and grandparents.  Some extraordinary stories, some  I’ve never heard before, but are astonishing pieces of oral history spanning more than a century and a half and lived in many countries.  One day I shall write about some of these stories.  I haven’t decided quite what, nor how.  But they can’t just stay in the folder.  I’ve also decided to write a memoir about my relationship with my mother.  This will be my next big writing project.  I’ve started sketching it out, but still thinking about structure.  In a way it doesn’t matter if it never gets published, but is very important for me to write. 

Above is a photo of mum before I was born – about 3 weeks before I was born, to be precise.  I’ve always loved this photo.